Author: murphyisgrey

I think I like you But maybe I just hate rejection . I’ll move on But I am sad . Im sad because i feel like we never really got to know each other There’s so much more I want to learn about you That I want you to know about me  I have feelings for you…

Loving you was my mistake Or maybe the unavoidable result of seeking What my backwards brain associates with love Lack of intimacy Lack of trust Lack of stability Or what I think I deserve Or what I think I want Because its easier easier to be angry and vindicated than to be anything really

I just don’t like who I am I just wish that I wasn’t the way that I am I wish I didn’t feel the things I feel I wish I didn’t care about the things I care about I wish I didn’t sound the way I sound and I wish I didn’t look the way…

all I want to do is love you                  but maybe I don’t my soul is eternally intertwined with yours                  but I just cant right now all I want to do is call                  but—I wont because of all the things I want for you to be happy is everything

It all works out in the end       they say but what is The End? I think life is just one constant   messy evolution scrambling up an infinitely growing   pile of all our mistakes

depression is not sadness     its nonexistence      _____________________

I drink too much   I think too much I love the wrong people   cant love the right ones / Im lonely but   I don’t want to be around anyone I want affection but   Im afraid of what that makes me

Am I too much    am I not enough does my trauma precede me    or is it my wall of self loathing

maybe I like being a mess  and fucked up it alleviates the pressure     OF —       everything?

Turn this shit louder louder louder I said LOUDER turn this shit louder loud enough to blast out all other thoughts in my head  louder.